grittyfic: (Four out of five)
grittyfic ([personal profile] grittyfic) wrote2010-07-07 11:43 am

The Unexpected

Title: The Unexpected
Fandom: Doctor Who
Genre: Vignette
Characters: Three
Rating: MPAA G
Word Count: 600 according to MS Word
Warnings/Notes: Written for the [ profile] best_enemies Birthday Challenge 4, for the anniversary of Jon Pertwee's birthday. Beta'd by the lovely [ profile] x_los. Linked at my main blog and [ profile] best_enemies, and archived at A Teaspoon and an Open Mind.
Disclaimer: All things Doctor Who belong to Aunty Beeb et. al. I'm just playing with them.
Summary: That package wasn't there last night.

The Unexpected

A package sat on his lab table amongst the beakers, bits and bobs. It hadn’t been there when he retired to the TARDIS last night, he was certain. For one thing, he could hardly have missed a box wrapped in bright red paper sitting alongside all that metal and glass, and for another it would have been a horrible nuisance, taking up room right in the middle of his workspace like that.

The Doctor had developed a healthy wariness of unfamiliar objects since a certain Someone had decided to take advantage of his temporary immobility to use this planet in general, and his location specifically, as a test bed for said Someone’s latest schemes for taking over the universe. In fact, ordinary objects were not exactly safe any more – one never knew when even something as innocuous as the telephone cord would take a notion to become homicidal.

As for the gaily-wrapped problem on the table… when neither touching it nor carefully lifting it caused it to explode or otherwise react, he set about running the entire package, still boxed and wrapped, through every piece of analyzing equipment U.N.I.T. had provided and quite a few others of his own invention. The best he could do: it was a gadget. Forty-five percent vulcanized rubber, forty-five percent metal alloy, and the ten percent between the two were some highly miniaturized computer bits and a tiny power source, definitely far too advanced for this time period on Earth. No discernable gasses or explosives, but… Absolutely, positively from Someone then, and therefore Not To Be Trusted.

Shrugging, the Doctor unwrapped the box. When nothing happened, he lifted the lid. Nestled in tissue paper was a car horn, just like Bessie’s.

He carefully lifted it from the box with both hands. Holding it in front of his face – which he immediately realized was an unwise move, but oh well – he turned it this way and that, trying to find some trick or trigger. None were apparent.

Setting it back down on the lab table, he leaned back, rubbing one finger on his lower lip and “hmmmmm”-ing softly. Reaching out with that same finger, he rotated the horn until the bell was pointed away from him and toward nothing else but a bookcase on the back wall. Engaging his respiratory bypass, he squeezed the bulb.

The melody of the first line of rather racy (and officially-discouraged) Academy drinking song played at a volume far too loud for an indoor setting, starting all the glass in the room to rattling and no doubt the cause of several doors down the hall being slammed shut.

Chuckling, the Doctor scooped up the horn and was about to set it back in the box when he noticed a slip of paper that had been hidden underneath the gift. The circular Gallifreyan script announced “I remembered your birthday”; the arrangement of the entire statement implying that the reverse could not be truthfully claimed. “Not much I could do about that, stuck here,” he muttered to the room at large, fairly certain that the Master would not have passed up the opportunity to watch him open the gift, albeit remotely. “Thank you, by the way,” he added, gesturing with the horn before replacing it in its tissue-paper nest.

Tucking the box under his arm and grabbing the necessary tools, he went out to install his gift on his beloved car. He hoped desperately that there wasn’t a time-delayed trap involved, and even more fervently that nobody asked him about the words to that tune.

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 05:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, haven't seen you around much, lately? Great story! (sorry its so brief - I think something is burning in the kitchen... lol)

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, life gets crazy, y'know? I am lurking, just not active so much. This was a housecleaning-avoidance fic, I fear... *grins*

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 06:50 pm (UTC)(link)
That was nice of him. Though I have to admit I was fully expecting a dildo, but that was because I didn't look at the rating.

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 06:59 pm (UTC)(link)
One more meaning for the fic title, then! *is pleased*

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Wonderful story. I loved Three here (he's my favourite Classic Who Doctor) and the intricacies of the Gallifreyan language.

[identity profile] 2010-07-07 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! No doubt there were a couple of other subtle insults and maybe an implied come-on in that note, but I'm sure Three chose to ignore them.
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[identity profile] 2010-07-08 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
This has definitely brightened up my day. :D Thoroughly charming!

[identity profile] 2010-07-08 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks. You can't really blame the Doctor for being cautious, but occasionally the Master doesn't have a plot going. (Not that he'd admit it...)
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[identity profile] 2010-07-08 01:28 pm (UTC)(link)
ha. very sweet (and only a little bit creepy, but i'm sure the master isn't watching him all the time...)

[identity profile] 2010-07-08 03:10 pm (UTC)(link)
It never hurts to err on the side of caution...

[identity profile] 2010-07-09 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
Very sweet! I like how you have your DelgadoMaster being huffy about the Doctor forgetting birthdays --- I believe that little tidbit to be very in character.

Nice to see your work again, by the way. Which may be offensive, although I don't mean for it to be, because you may have been writing away and I've neglected to stop by here in so long that I've missed it all. Will try to cruise by more often in future, to which end I'd like to friend you through my fic journal (my OC seems to be actually reaching diagnosable levels as I age, although I generally try to be happy with merely having a place for everything and not getting too hung up about whether everything is in its place, because nothing ever is.) If that's not okay with you, please advise (and I'll check your profile, too, for any policy you've established re: friending. Looking forward to seeing more in future, all the same.

[identity profile] 2010-07-09 02:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not offended in the slightest; I've been very slack about writing this year. I'd blame life for being crazy, but most of it is that I picked up a couple of new fandoms w/ lots of fic to read but that don't inspire me to write, and for some reason neither does Eleven. *shrugs*

If you're just after fics, friend [ profile] grittyfic with my blessing. It's completely unlocked and I don't have any sort of policy about anyone either watching or friending it.

If you're wanting to friend my regular blog, we've been hanging out in the same places and talking via comment threads for long enough I'd like to do that, too. Just let me know if you want on the everyday-stuff filter or if you're up for the occasionally whiny and TMI stuff. And if you don't want to do any of it, I'm not offended.

[identity profile] 2010-07-10 01:46 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you! I shall friend the fic LJ through my own fic LJ and your regular journal through my regular journal (a place for everything...). Thank you for your kind offer to do so. I'm afraid the concept of filters remains over my head, so I am not sure what to say about that. However, as I prefer to think of "whiny" as "discriminating" and "TMI" as "full disclosure", I generally don't shirk from either. In fact, being able to whine (well, bitch, actually ---- it's a whole different vibe from whining) and let my boundaries slip a little without having to deal with getting whined back at was the whole reason I even started an LJ back in the day. So, yes, I'm up for the occasional whine and TMI (pinot noir and brie, too). Most definitely! ***off to sign in and friend***

[identity profile] 2010-07-10 03:42 am (UTC)(link)
Great! Well, you are now on my "full disclosure" (if you will) personal f-list. Should you decide the disclosure is a little too full, get ahold of me and we'll drop you back to the general-announcement level.

[identity profile] 2010-07-11 12:33 pm (UTC)(link)
This is ADORABLE. And Delgado is learning--the way to a Three's heart is definitely through his car.

[identity profile] 2010-07-19 10:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Thank you! It's true -- Three is a gadget lover, and Bessie is his Number One toy.